Elegem van abból, hogy el kell magyaráznom, mi a beleegyezés:

“I’m tired of explaining consent. “It really is very simple. “Yes, you may have some of my fries.” “Yes, you may have my number.” “Yes, you may touch me.” But before all this, you must ask. Why are we not asking? When did consent become assumed? “Initially I was very quiet about it. Very patient and polite, but not anymore. It is not acceptable that my “no’ is diluted to a “strong maybe” after 6 tequila shots and half a bottle of gin. That at noon in upmarket Westlands it’s “No” but at 2am in Wangige, a lower, sketchier side of Nairobi, where I might literally have my neck chopped off, it’s “absolutely yes!” because I am too scared of what might happen to me if I say no. “And if I say no and experience abuse? the questions are “what were you doing there?” “why were you there at that time?” “what did you expect of a person who lives there?” It is, of course, my fault. “We seem to have all accepted that we are living among rapists, and we are okay with it because eventually someone will say yes, we do not care to know whether they were coerced. It doesn’t matter how this so-called ‘consent’ came about. “I’m tired of hearing another victim have to explain why they were there that late, or had those many drinks, or what they were wearing. It appears that “no” is only a “no” if it is under unique circumstances, all of which are constantly changing to protect the perpetrator. “Consent seems so complex, but it’s not. Really. Just ask.” Photo credit: Phyllis Githua-Mokaya Photo editing: Phyllis Githua-Mokaya and Harriet Evans _____________________________________________ This photograph was taken during our trip to Nairobi, Kenya in collaboration with @creativesgarage – a space where creatives from all walks of life can come together to network, collaborate and push boundaries. We can’t thank the entire team at CG enough for their support. www.creativesgarage.org/ This trip was made possible through funding from Arts Council England.

The “I’m Tired” Project (@theimtiredproject) által megosztott bejegyzés, Dec 5., 2017, időpont: 12:00 (PST időzóna szerint)

Elegem van abból, hogy elvárják, hogy világosítsam a bőröm:

“I’m tired of the expectation to bleach my skin. “It all started in high school where people would ask me how it felt to be the ‘darker one’ at home, since I schooled with my sister and people had seen my mom – both are lighter than me. Others even started insinuating that I was slowly bleaching myself cause I grew up to be a shade or two lighter, which is quite normal. It still didn’t make me feel any less/more of a woman because to me it’s just a skin color. “This has also extended to my work life. As an actress starting out, I get a number of audition descriptions specifically asking for ‘light skin girls’. Once, during a promotion job, we were told to separate ourselves into two groups – light skins and dark skins. All the dark skin women didn’t get the job. “In the Central Business District of downtown Nairobi, women sell skin bleaching oils and creams. They approached me a few times saying I could look like ‘them’, bearing in mind that some of them are originally light skin to trick you into believing that the bleaching oils really work. “It tires me everyday. I’m tired of people judging others based on the lightness of their skin color, causing insecurities to many. Many women end up feeling unsure whether they can get jobs or feel comfortable even showing their skin. “We are all different and diverse in many ways that should all be accepted. The black woman especially should be taken as she naturally is – dipped in chocolate, bronzed in elegance, enameled with grace and toasted in beauty. “No one should be forced to feel uncomfortable in their skin.” ———————— This photograph was taken during our trip to Nairobi, Kenya in collaboration with @creativesgarage – a space where creatives from all walks of life can come together to network, collaborate and push boundaries. We can’t thank the entire team at CG enough for their support. www.creativesgarage.org/ This trip was made possible through funding from Arts Council England.

The “I’m Tired” Project (@theimtiredproject) által megosztott bejegyzés, Nov 28., 2017, időpont: 9:52 (PST időzóna szerint)

Elegem van abból, hogy nem tisztelnek ateistaként a Közel-Keleten:

“I’m tired of struggling for respect as an atheist in Middle Eastern Society. “Life as an Atheist in a Middle Eastern diaspora culture is difficult. You struggle with your own identity in a country you grew up in, as well as with your cultural heritage from your parents. Even more so if your people are Assyrians – an endangered minority in Syria, Iraq and Turkey. The Assyrians are the indigenous people of Mesopotamia and are a linguistic, religious and ethnic minority in the Middle East that struggles for survival as a community. Due to the current political turmoil in all three countries and the persecution of religious minorities in numerous Middle Eastern countries by extremism, religion and church have become the centre of community life. “Because of this, my own community denies my existence as an Atheist. “As a non-believer, I’m considered as either a traitor and thus not part of the community anymore, or I am mocked as crazy and mentally unstable; there is no room for tolerance. Insults have gone as far as calling me a heretic, a whore and a worshipper of Satan (which to some extent is ironic, since as I don’t believe in God, I also don’t believe in Satan). “I only came out as an Atheist a few weeks ago. After keeping it a secret for 12 years I decided to tell the world, including my family, my community and my friends, who I really am. I received great support from friends in similar situations and experiences. Sadly, my own people either attacked me verbally or ignored me. “I have been shunned. I had already experienced this to a certain extent because of my activism for LGBTQ+, feminism, and religious tolerance in my community. But being shunned hurts, and for now I’m not only struggling with the lack of respect or acceptance by my own people, including my relatives, but I also struggle with my own identity as a Middle Eastern Atheist. How can I say I belong to this minority; the minority’s language which I speak, which I grew up in, if I’m not welcome anymore?” (Head to the link in our bio for the continued Facebook post)

The “I’m Tired” Project (@theimtiredproject) által megosztott bejegyzés, Szept 14., 2017, időpont: 10:46 (PDT időzóna szerint)

Elegem van a szépséggel kapcsolatos elvárásokból, amelyek miatt tökéletlennek érzem magam:

“I’m tired of constructed ideals of beauty making me feel inadequate. “When I was younger, I never struggled with my appearance. I didn’t think I was the most attractive girl, but I never put too much thought into what I looked like. I was always taught that beauty was from within and what you looked like had no bearing on you, so I just didn’t take notice. I played outside, I danced, I did gymnastics and I ate things that I liked and that made me happy. I didn’t particularly care for make up or what my hair looked like, I just wanted to enjoy myself. “I started to become aware of my appearance when I was 11. “I remember stepping into school and seeing all these new girls, their hair was silky and straight. My hair was wild and frizzy. They were wearing make up. My face was plain and pale. They had already developed supermodel curves. I had the curves of a stick. In PE, they wore shorts and their legs were bare and smooth. Mine were hairy, and I was bullied for it. I didn’t fit in with this kind of beauty, but I was too young to realise that not everyone does and that’s ok. My mum told me that looks weren’t everything, and that I was beautiful in my own ways, and not to place my own self worth on how I looked. “But, I begged my mum to shave my legs; get my hair cut; straighten it; pluck my eyebrows; wear make up and get the most ‘on trend’ trousers that would hang off my hips. It was then, I now realise, that ‘beauty’ had been constructed for me, and no matter how many times my mum tried to empower me, I wouldn’t listen. “So, I shaved my legs; I got my hair cut; I straightened it; I plucked my eyebrows; I wore make up and I bought the ‘on trend’ trousers. It still wasn’t enough, but I was content. “Until someone joked I was fat. “I had enough confidence to look at myself and know that deep down I wasn’t fat. I was far from fat. But that joke ingrained within me, gnawing at my insides. So I cut meals, I exercised for hours. I lied. But I still wasn’t happy. “I would spend hours scouring over pictures of women in magazines and in music videos. I was nowhere near that level of perfection, so I worked harder.” (Head to the link in our bio for the continued FB post)

The “I’m Tired” Project (@theimtiredproject) által megosztott bejegyzés, Szept 2., 2017, időpont: 12:34 (PDT időzóna szerint)

Elegem van abból, hogy még mindig a férfiak elvrásainak próbálok megfelelni:

“I’m tired of believing I need male validation. “Self-love is one of the hardest journeys to find yourself on; I know because I’m still on it. It takes a huge amount of strength to address the voices in your head that are telling you anything but to love yourself, to separate the negative and all the hate you’ve manifested over the years, and give your body the chance to heal. It’s not the simplest road to travel down; there’s no quick fix in relearning how to speak to yourself and suppress the urge to recoil back into the default dialogue between self, criticising every inch of you, vandalising the face of the person behind the mirror with deep, wounding words. It took years to learn this language and it will take years to bury it. “Growing up was difficult, the untimely jerked changeover from childhood into teenage years was something I hoped I was better prepared for; there’s nothing like being young and hating yourself. The relationship I had with the person I saw in the mirror was unhealthy; her and I didn’t get along (sometimes we still fight – she cries, I cry). It was surreal, finding myself in an endless blame game with the voice in my head, taking time out from the perpetuating teenage angst I was so used to accommodating to ask how we got here, and by “we” I meant me, and by “here” I meant unhappy. “I could make an endless list of all my flaws and show you hundreds of images of what I wanted to be. Everything about me was undesirable: my skin was too dark, my nose too wide, my chest too flat, my hair too kinky, my body too skinny. I wanted to be beautiful and blonde with a chest that made boys drool, breasts that commanded an entire room and a face that said, “Look at me”. It’s not easy hating yourself, wishing for so long to be someone else and watching the rest of the world not tell you any different; I was hurting. “I spent years trying to fit the mould, imitate the kind of beauty I heard boys liked: I permed my hair, I started to wear makeup, I shimmied into skirts “too short for school”, tried to sashay my way into confidence, but it’s even harder to pretend than to hate.” (Follow the link in our bio to the continued Facebook post)

The “I’m Tired” Project (@theimtiredproject) által megosztott bejegyzés, Aug 23., 2017, időpont: 11:52 (PDT időzóna szerint)

Elegem van abból, hogy fetisizálják a szexualitásomat:

“I’m tired of being fetishised because of my sexuality. “From the first moment I came out as a gay woman, the fetishisation of my identity has been made painfully clear: “How do you fuck?” “Do you use dildos?” “How do you get each other off?” “Can I watch?” “Can I join in?”. I can’t seem to get away from these questions; I’ve heard them at school, at university, at work, at the supermarket, in the street, and (of course) online. It feels like my body is up for comment as often, and as lecherously, as the term “lesbian porn” is searched for on PornHub. “The sexualisation of queer people goes far beyond verbal harassment from curious fuckboys – it is entrenched in the fabric of our culture on all levels. It’s the reason we don’t have LGBTQ+ characters in children’s films (and no, that one blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment in Beauty and the Beast doesn’t count) – because we are seen as inappropriate, dirty, and explicit just by existing. It’s the reason teachers are warned not to come out, and why there have been campaigns to ban LGBTQ+ people from the profession; if we let queer people near children, who knows how they will corrupt them with their sexual deviance. I was told, while at high school, that we couldn’t have any teachers identify themselves as safe for LGBTQ+ students to talk to, because it might lead to “inappropriate relationships”. “This poisonous assumption is having a devastating impact on the queer community, as it destroys our ability to form meaningful intergenerational friendships and mentor relationships for fear of it being labelled as something sinister. It is directly isolating queer youth, who have no where to turn for support and knowledge except the same internet pages and comment sections that tell them they are wrong. “A few months ago YouTube was embroiled in a scandal after it was revealed the site was blocking LGBTQ+ content from young people in a “Restricted Mode” setting. I broke the story in a video on my own Youtube channel (which was itself, ironically, blocked under Restricted Mode) and the internet was outraged. (Check out our Facebook page for the continued post)

The “I’m Tired” Project (@theimtiredproject) által megosztott bejegyzés, Aug 16., 2017, időpont: 1:37 (PDT időzóna szerint)

Elegem van abból, amikor azt mondják, nem vagyok igazi:

“I’m tired of being told I’m not real. “I totally support your right to call yourself a woman,’ someone told me the other day. “But you’re not a real woman.” “A different woman on a TV panel: “If you have the inner workings of a man, you’ll never be a real woman,” I was informed. “Transgender women are frequently called upon to prove their credentials to womanhood. But what makes a woman real? Gender and sex are different things and no trans person I know is denying the fact we were assigned the wrong sex at birth. Yes, we started life with the cards we were dealt, but they were no less real. “Intersex people may possess sexual characteristics of both males and females. Are they not real? Some women have more testosterone than I do. Some women have had hysterectomies and yet their realness or womanhood is rarely, and mercifully, questioned. “What about trans people who are modifying their sexual characteristics? Does that make them more or less real? “This constant expectation that I will provide ‘receipts’ for my womanhood is both exhausting and dangerous. It’s classic gaslighting. People repeat the same refrain enough times and you too start to question your reality. The lights aren’t getting dimmer. But they do. “You see, eventually you start to believe what you’re hearing. I’m not a woman, I’m mad, or unhinged, or psychotic. It doesn’t matter that I knew I was a girl from infancy, because I’m not real. I’m “a man in a frock”. Is it any wonder trans people are so highly at risk of mental health problems. ‘You had me fooled.’ ‘You can’t tell you’re a man.’ ‘You look great for a trans person.’ “Some respite can be found in other trans people. There’s no one, correct way to be trans but we’ve all – I imagine – experienced something of this gaslighting. Sometimes it takes the solidarity of transgender people to reinforce our realness. We are real, flesh and blood people. Read more over on our Facebook page – link is in our bio! #TheImTiredProject #imtired

The “I’m Tired” Project (@theimtiredproject) által megosztott bejegyzés, Júl 27., 2017, időpont: 4:07 (PDT időzóna szerint)

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